A state of anxiety is aroused in those situations where there is an appraisal of a threat to the self-esteem because there is a possibility of failure and negative evaluation by other people.

It is possible to say that it is our need for approval by other people that is the cause of the rises in high anxiety levels.

If we are dependent upon other people for reassurance, for approval and for constant reinforcement of us as capable, worthy people, then it will follow that, when faced with a difficult task, there may be fear of failure and a threat to the sense of self-esteem because of the possibility of our adequacy being appraised by others.

Thus alcoholics faced with the necessity of returning to work after treatment lasting many weeks frequently become extremely anxious because they are worried about what their employer and fellow workers will think and say about them.

They may feel guilty and ashamed about their past behavior, where their productivity may have fallen off and their attendance at work may have been erratic. Leaving friends and work colleagues to carry the alcoholic’s share of the work load.

The alcoholic may have said things to co-workers that could alienate many. Their alcoholism may have contributed to industrial accidents.

I personally knew a young man who smoked dope during his morning tea break and then climbed back into his truck to continue excavating except he dug up electrical wires and the whole town was left without electricity for 24 hours. Lucky for this young man, his father was the owner of the business and he got away with this serious accident – his father protected him.

This is what family and friends do – they enable the alcoholic or drug addict to continue what they are doing because there are no boundaries, no respect, no conscience for damage they do to other people as they torpedo their way through life destroying relationships, losing jobs and causing serious car accidents.

After a period of being in rehab or respite at home to allow their body to adjust to living without alcohol and drugs, they decide to return to work. Their anxiety about resumption of work leads them to construct imaginary barriers, to think that people will be nasty to them, call them names and so on.

All of this is based upon the fear of negative evaluation by others. In reality, it hardly ever happens. Relating their experiences of returning to work often results in the alcoholic saying. ‘It was a breeze. Everyone was glad to see me back in good health. I feel terrific. Why did I punish myself all those weeks of feeling guilty?’

With low self-esteem comes a high need for approval by other people and they are always worried about what they will think of someone who can’t control their drinking. They will assess the situation as threatening and become anxious.  Emotional dependence or a high need for approval by others causes the anxiety that leads to failure.

That failure leads to a drop in self-esteem, which in turn increases the need for approval, which feeds back into the circle, increases anxiety and so on ….. Round and round the merry-go-round of life.

The existing level of self-esteem and the existing need of approval by other people jointly determine the level of confidence we feel about dealing with this sort of problem.

If our level of confidence is low, the problem will usually be evaluated as very threatening and this will generate high levels of anxiety.  And this is all happening in sobriety.

There is a difference between our self-esteem and confidence.  Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves – the image we have of ourselves. Confidence is a learned skill and we may be an expert in driving machinery emotionally carried through life by our confidence in our work.

Now, I can ride a motorbike, ride a horse and sail a boat but give me a paint brush and ask me to paint a beautiful scene in the country and I couldn’t even contemplate that task because I’m not a trained artist.  Alcoholics get through life on confidence and ego.  Their self-esteem is nurtured and developed the longer they  abstain from their drug of choice.

You may know some people who are still drinking copious quantities of alcohol but have the emotions of a 12 year old.  That’s what happens.  They self-medicate any problems that come their way and they never learn how to cope sober.

I know a young lass in her 40’s who impulsively chopped off all her hair last year after a night of binging on alcohol. That’s impulsivity, ego and grandiosity in full flight. Her emotions are that of a 20 year old and until she comes to terms with the reason why she drinks, she will drink again and again.

The alcoholic creates dramas to enable the continuity of their drinking.   It’s only when they accept life on life’s terms that their attitude changes and that can often take a miracle because they are so self-centered, egotistical and selfish.

In the meantime, I would suggest helping yourself cope with the rigors of living with an alcoholic by looking at supplementing your diet with an amino acid and a natural relaxant to help you sleep at night.

You can also help the alcoholic new to sobriety to take certain supplements to help their dysfunctional brain chemistry. I recommend amino acids to help balance brain chemistry and a good liver tonic to help repair liver damage. Specific amino acids are essential for the liver to breakdown toxins and drugs and also for efficient metabolism in the liver.

Glutamine. This amino acid is required for phase two detoxification in the liver and is required in increased amounts by those who consume excessive alcohol. It is able to reduce the craving for alcohol. Glutamine supplementation is helpful for intestinal disorders such as peptic ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Leaky gut is the term used to describe an inflamed condition of the lining of the bowel, which makes the bowel too permeable, so that toxins and incompletely digested food particles can be absorbed from the bowels directly into the liver. This increases the workload of the liver and may cause many health problems. Glutamine is essential for the white cells to fight viruses such as hepatitis B and C. Glutamine is converted in the body into glutamic acid, which, along with the amino acids cysteine and glycine, is converted into the powerful liver protector glutathione. Glutathione is essential for liver phase two conjugation reactions used during detoxification of drugs and toxic chemicals.

As I’m typing the information about Glutamine, I just reminded myself to go and take some myself to heal my inflamed stomach. I need to practice what I preach!

LivaTone Plus is a natural liver tonic containing the liver herbs St Mary’s Thistle, Globe Artichoke and Dandelion, combined with the amino acid Taurine, and Lecithin. It also contains natural sources of Chlorophyll, Carotenoids and fiber. It is available in both capsule and powder form.

The liver is the main fat burning organ in the body and regulates fat and carbohydrate metabolism. A healthy liver will take fat in the form of cholesterol and pump it via the bile into the intestines where it will be carried away in the bowel actions provided the diet is high in fiber.

Tyrosine Mood Food - Tyrosine is a natural amino acid - one of the building blocks of protein.  It is required for the manufacture of the brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) dopamine and noradrenaline.  These neurotransmitters are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy, stable mood.

Magnesium – the great relaxer. Magnesium plays an essential role in maintaining and promoting efficient muscle function and nerve transmission. Magnesium is a vital mineral for hundreds of cellular enzymes involved in the body's energy production and metabolism. It is required by the nervous system to regulate the function of nerves and muscles. Magnesium may also assist in the reduction of stress, nervous tension, anxiety and sleeplessness.

Blues Free is designed to support a better mood. Hydroxytryptophan is needed by the brain to make Serotonin which is the natural happy chemical produced by brain cells and has a controlling effect upon mood and feelings, appetite, sleep, confidence and mental energy.

Sleep Eze is another useful sleep enhancer and I use it myself.  Melatonin is best taken at night when the pineal gland is meant to secrete its own melatonin to promote a natural restful sleep and awake refreshed in the morning without that “sleeping tablet hangover”.   I like it because it is not addictive.

Everyday Stress Lozenges. These Everyday Stress Lozenges contain all natural passion flower petals to help you relax under pressure. A natural herb with relaxing and calming effects upon the nervous system, to help you perform under pressure without slowing you down.

Adrenal Plus Support.   If you support the function of your adrenal glands, you have more chance coping with the everyday pressures of life. Many people suffer with morning fatigue and depression due to sluggish function of the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands are 2 small glands that are situated just above the kidneys and when they are working efficiently, they produce extra surges of energizing hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline and DHEA to help you face the challenges of the new day. In other words, the adrenal gland hormones increase your resistance to stress and provide the drive and energy to succeed.