All children need unconditional love from their parents to grow into healthy, functioning adults. It is not surprising that the children of alcoholics do not grow in this way as a rule, but are severely damaged. Sometimes for life.

Lack of trust, poor communication, little or no respect for their rights and feelings and little or no love or affection are a recipe for disaster. When we couple this with evidence that the children of alcoholics learn to deny their feelings of resentment, anger, overwhelming sadness, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt and embarrassment and to pretend that everything is OK, disaster becomes even more certain. Insecurity, confusion, loneliness, feelings of hurt and or rejection and inadequacy result.

Surveys of the way children respond to chaos caused by alcoholism suggests that in a four-child family, four different roles may be adopted, all of which in the long run, are maladaptive. These roles are the hero, the victim, the lost child and the mascot.

The family hero, often the oldest child, functions to give the family a feeling of pride and of self-worth by his or her high achievements and success in academic or sporting areas. Here is one positive thing in a tangled web of failure and emotional upheaval upon which the family can focus with pride. He or she often goes on to a career in the helping profession. Not surprisingly, about half marry alcoholics or other chemically dependent people.  Underneath all this acceptance of responsibility is massive emotional insecurity and guilt.

All victims, sometimes labelled as scapegoats or troubled children, go the opposite way and don’t compete. They play the role of victim whom everyone can blame for what is going on, thus distracting the family from the real cause of the problem. They become the focus by displaying anger and resentment. They are defiant and uncooperative. They act out their emotional problems of hurt and rejection through problem behaviour at school. The parents are always being asked to come to the school to discuss their absenteeism, their minor crimes and their disruptive behaviour. Left untreated, these children marry early, have unplanned pregnancies and are very likely to become addicted to alcohol or other drugs or both.

The third category is the lost child, whose role seems to be to give the family some relief. “At least we don’t have to worry about Sarah. She’s not a trouble maker.”  However, Sarah may be in the worst state of all. Her quietness and aloofness to all that is going on around her is a cover of her sadness, for her feelings of loneliness and unimportance. In the long run she may have difficulty forming long term relationships: she may have sexual identity problems and/or severe psychiatric problems.

The final role is that of the mascot or comic clown. This child is often hyperactive and full of humour. Their function is to provide distraction through making a joke of everything. Underneath, emotionally insecure, frightened and confused, they will do anything to attract attention. The clown often has difficulty with school work, is anxious and hyperactive. Untreated, they are also subject to addiction and often marry a ‘hero’ from another chemically dependent family.

All these roles are interchangeable and seem to form an integral part of the enabling process. It is clear that none of this is the result of conscious decisions to act in these ways. Enabling is an unconscious process marked by loss of contact with reality. As it is unconscious it would seem on the surface that there is really nothing much that the family can do to stop their unproductive behaviour, let alone help the alcoholic or get him or her into treatment.

Before I start counselling a new alcoholic patient, I need to assess their ability to absorb and retain what I am going to say to them. When it comes to feeling mentally and emotionally switched on, we have to have the correct brain chemistry – get it wrong and you will never achieve the feeling of wellbeing that you crave.

Tyrosine Mood Food is necessary for the manufacture of dopamine and noradrenaline, which are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy stable mood.  Dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for the sense of satisfaction – why do we drink? To feel satisfied.  It is also the reward neurotransmitter – why do we drink?  It rewards us and makes us feel better about life.

To help the alcoholic relax I recommend Magnesium Complete as it will assist in the reduction of stress, nervous tension, anxiety and sleeplessness. I take Magnesium Ultra Potent because it suits me to use the powder format and to help prevent muscle cramps at night.

L-Glutamine, found in our Ultimate Gut Health Powder, helps to remove ammonia from the bloodstream to lower levels of toxic ammonia that build up when liver dysfunction is present. A practicing alcoholic has a very inflamed liver and needs to detox and heal, if the body is to recover from alcoholism.  L-Glutamine is the most amazing amino acid in the body! It is vital for healthy intestinal function and may help with inflammation of the intestinal tract. It is also vital for muscle growth and healthy muscle function. It also assists muscle recovery after exercise. I always put my patients on an exercise program to help heal their mind, body and spirit. L-Glutamine also supports efficient brain function.

Livatone Plus is a powerful formula that can support liver function when there are more chronic liver problems. It is beneficial for a sluggish bile flow and gall bladder problems or if you have lost your gallbladder. It is beneficial in reducing abdominal bloating, burping and flatulence and provides extra antioxidant protection for the liver when required.

Allergies are related to poor liver function which reduces the liver’s efficiency in cleansing the blood of toxins (such as antibodies and chemicals like alcohol.) Such toxins over stimulate the immune system causing it to pour out inflammatory chemicals. Read Dr. Cabot’s book The Liver Cleansing Diet.