No one who has been through it needs to be told that living with an alcoholic varies from unpleasant to sheer hell. On the other hand, few know what to expect in the short-term and the long-term when abstinence following treatment begins. Will he or she be fundamentally the same, or will there appear to be a major personality change? Will the family functioning get back to some degree of normality? Will he or she be able to resume full time employment? Will there be permanent brain damage?   Will interest in and capacity for sexual activity be fully restored?    Can I ever trust again? The average person deals with their day to day problems without resorting to alcohol.  An alcoholic, in early recovery, needs to learn how to deal with their every day to day problem and accept life on life’s terms.  There is a high incidence of emotional illness or instability in the general community and people often need help. When some people fail to cope, they become aggressive, others assert that there really was no problem there at all and others take to tranquillers or sedatives.  The alcoholic returns to drinking because that’s the way they always dealt with problems in the past. The unpleasant truth is that alcoholism is a pervasive and recurrent condition and that the chances of a return to heavy, abusive drinking are fairly high.  An alcoholic, who has surrendered and accepted the fact that they do have a problem, has to learn to control the arousal of negative emotions. He or she has to learn not to be angry and aggressive, anxious and withdrawn, depressed and hopeless. “That’s impossible” you may say, but it’s true.  An alcoholic has different brain chemistry and often gives up in early recovery when life becomes too difficult and overwhelming. Vigilance is paramount in a recovering alcoholic’s life and their partner needs to learn as much as they can about the disease, in order to help the alcoholic learn how to accept life on life’s terms. Until an alcoholic comes to terms with the reason why they drink, they will drink again.  This does not mean that close relatives and friends should regard an alcoholic as a time bomb waiting to explode at any moment and so tippy-toe around fearful of upsetting things. The alcoholic has to resume normal life and to cope with the normal stresses of everyday living. However, everyone needs help, support and trust. This support and trust is more likely where those close to the alcoholic fully understand what is involved in recovery, and have an opportunity to discuss the recovery process with someone familiar with the problems. Over the next few weeks, I will endeavour to explain some of the questions I’m regularly asked by relatives and friends of alcoholics.

Will communication improve?

Yes, they will improve if both parties put in an effort to understand the disease of alcoholism. Frank and open discussion between the alcoholic and the partner is necessary to clear the air, so that unfounded suspicious and resentments are cleared away before they cause trouble. Questions about anything connected with the illness should be asked and the answers clarified without living in the past.  If there is a breakdown and the alcoholic resumes drinking, the sooner you can discuss the cause and find a solution, the alcoholic can resume sobriety without fear of resentment.  Communication is essential in early recovery. Alcohol prevents the drinker from thinking clearly, and emotional reactions such as anger, resentment, hostility and aggression in various forms take over. When abstinent, the likelihood of such anti-social, destructive behaviour occurring is dramatically reduced for most people, particularly if those around them play their part and behave sensibly too. There is evidence that a return to a stable, well-organised, calm and relaxed environment leads to a better outcome by providing an environment in which the practice of emotional control can occur in a fully supportive situation.  However, it takes a lot of patience and learning how to accept life on life’s terms without having a dummy spit every time something doesn’t go the alcoholic’s way.  Wives, husbands, partners, friends of alcoholics need to learn how to cope with an alcoholic in early recovery.  Alanon is an organisation that is very supportive and can guide you through the early days, weeks, months of your partner’s sobriety. In the meantime, I would suggest helping yourself cope with the rigours of living with a practicing alcoholic by looking at supplementing your diet with an amino acid and a natural relaxant to help you sleep at night.  Magnesium can be taken before bed to assist with a deep and restful sleep and helps to reduce stress. Tyrosine Mood Food is necessary for the manufacture of dopamine and noradrenaline, which are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy, stable mood. Blues Free is designed to support a better mood. Hydroxytryptophan is needed by the brain to make Serotonin which is the natural happy chemical produced by brain cells and has a controlling effect upon mood and feelings, appetite, sleep, confidence and mental energy. Sleep Eze is another useful sleep enhancer and I use it myself.  Melatonin is best taken at night when the pineal gland is meant to secrete its own melatonin to promote a natural restful sleep and awake refreshed in the morning without that “sleeping tablet hangover”.   I like it because it is not addictive. Everyday Stress Lozenges. These Everyday Stress Lozenges contain all natural passion flower petals to help you relax under pressure. A natural herb with relaxing and calming effects upon the nervous system, to help you perform under pressure without slowing you down. Adrenal Plus Support  If you support the function of your adrenal glands, you have more chance coping with the everyday pressures of life. Many people suffer with morning fatigue and depression due to sluggish function of the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands are 2 small glands that are situated just above the kidneys and when they are working efficiently, they produce extra surges of energising hormones such as cortisol, adrenalin and DHEA to help you face the challenges of the new day. In other words, the adrenal gland hormones increase your resistance to stress and provide the drive and energy to succeed. Take care and look after yourself. There is life after alcohol and it is a good life.