Anyone can put down the drink; it’s leaving it there that’s the problem. Christmas is a very testing time for alcoholics with temptation always lurking in the shadows?   It takes a very strong minded person to say “no” and even then, willpower is soluble in alcohol.

A patient of mine got sober in November 1984 and she thought it was best to avoid all social engagements around the office and other social festivities.  That was a good idea because she maintained her first Christmas and is now entering her 33rd Christmas, clean and sober. Does she attend Christmas parties now?  Yes!  Drinking alcohol to build up a false sense of security is not part of her socializing agenda.

It takes about 6 weeks for alcohol to get out of your system so even one tiny drink, can set you back weeks, months or even years of abstinence. I know patients who have been sober for many years and yet, picked up a drink at Christmas through peer pressure.

Colleagues with drinking problems have difficulty at Christmas parties with colleagues who are on the wagon. Why? Because they know they cannot control their drinking and secretly envy those who can. Many people cannot interact with work colleagues without alcohol in their system.  It makes them feel 50 feet tall and bulletproof when their glass is full. They often embarrass themselves and other colleagues once the alcohol takes away their inhibitions.

The sober alcoholic is happy with the glass half full (of soda water.)

How do you handle Christmas parties, business lunches and other occasions where you previously drank too much and where just about everyone else drinks too much?

What I initially advise my patients to do in early sobriety is to boycott any function that may endanger their sobriety. It may be only a day, a week or a month, but just one drink and they are back where they started. The guilt, despair, frustration and embarrassment of letting other people down is  overwhelming and they are back to the bottle to avoid just “feeling.”

Trouble is, you eventually have to step out into the real world and face your demons.  There are going to be times where you have no choice but to attend Christmas parties or your daughter’s wedding or a special anniversary party.

Make a decision on whether you really want to attend some of the functions you know are just excuses for the booze up! Particularly Christmas functions, farewell dinners or a girls’ night out.   Is it worth the risk?  A newly sober alcoholic will be paranoid about what people will think if they are not drinking alcohol.

People use alcohol to relax, socialize and rid themselves of inhibitions. They become the “life of the party” except the next day when someone tells them about what they said or did to annoy other guests and/or colleagues.

Many newly sober people will argue that:

  • People will wonder where I am.
  • I love to dance.
  • My friends will be insulted if I don’t attend.
  • It’s important for me to be there as a mark of respect.

Evaluate your reasons to go.  Are they honest or, deep down, do you still think you can drink socially? Forget the rationalization, justification and avoid walking where it’s slippery unless you have very relevant reasons that have nothing to do with drinking.

Do you get nervous when alcohol is around you?  That’s fairly normal in early sobriety and you will feel more comfortable as time goes on.  As Buddhists say: “nothing is permanent” and that applies to feeling nervous, feeling good or feeling bad – nothing is permanent.

Then there will be times you think you’ve beaten your demons and say: “Hey, I can handle going to this function!” and that is the last thought you had, before you picked up that drink.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful and very, very patient.

If friends and colleagues are not already aware that you don’t drink alcoholic beverages, let your host or hostess in advance know that you are not drinking alcohol.  This is to ensure that there is something else for you to drink, like orange or lemon juice or your favorite soda.

It’s unwise to attend any party or event at which there are no options other than alcohol or water.  Some non-alcoholic beers and wines are not completely alcohol-free and are not a safe substitute for someone in recovery.

Don’t go to parties alone.  Think of yourself as swimming in deep waters and take someone who knows you are not drinking – for health reasons.  They know you don’t drink and will act as your minder.  It’s a security back-up in case you have a momentary lapse of memory like . . . “I might be able to have just one drink!”

Don’t arrive late to a function.  You’re safest to arrive before everyone else is getting into the spirit of the evening or the event and are cheerfully high or roaring drunk and you are sucked into accepting a drink.

When you arrive, make sure you serve yourself to ensure you don’t accidentally drink something that looks like soda. Keep your glass in your hand for the rest of the evening, topping up your glass with what you want and when you want it.  Don’t take a chance on anyone accidentally switching drinks or good-naturedly “topping up” your glass with alcohol.

Nine out of ten people will serve you without blinking but there is always someone who makes a joke about “what . . not drinking?”  Move on with a simple “no, thank you” when you hear them say, “oh come on – just one drink – it won’t hurt you.”  If you need a drink in your hand to toast the bride, make sure it’s your own drink.

You don’t have to toast someone with alcohol.  As long as you have something in your glass, no one will worry about it.

Once you have your drink, put some distance between you and the bar.  Dance, network, sit and chat with someone but keep a safe distance from the source. Give your new sobriety some elbow room.

Curb your resentment at other people who are able to drink alcohol.  We sometimes get a bit “dirty” on people who seem to be carefree and drink socially without repercussions.

You’re bound to run into someone who will say something like, “you don’t mind if I have a drink, do you?”  Your automatic answer will be “Oh no, I don’t mind.”  The truth is you probably do resent it, especially if it is your partner and you know that he’s going to be smelling of alcohol for the rest of the evening.

If you feel a resentment building up, say how you feel about their drinking and you would prefer it if they didn’t drink alcohol, just for this occasion.  You may feel differently the next time you are out socializing with your partner and let him have a couple of drinks if that’s what he wants to do.

Be ready to leave the function if you feel threatened at any time.  Keep your car keys or taxi fare in your handbag or pocket if you suddenly feel overwhelmed by temptation leave immediately.

Don’t test the waters.

Don’t linger too long at an event when people start to leave.  Let your hostess know that you intend to leave early and that you can’t stay longer than half an hour after the first group starts to move. Ideally, that would be the time for you to leave as well. The more tired you become, the more vulnerable you are.

Don’t forget: Don’t get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired – this is the HALT reminder.

If you always drink wine with your meals, change that behavior and start drinking soda or mineral water.

Don’t keep alcohol in the house and ask your partner not to bring any home.  If you are tempted to drink and it’s 9.00 pm at night, you will have to get in your car and drive to a bottle shop or hotel and that will put the brakes on your “quick fix”.

If your drinking time is after work, set yourself different tasks to do each day to distract you from thinking about alcohol.

Take up a hobby, learn a new task, water the garden, do something that requires action because if you sit down and try to read, your brain will go crazy.

If your friends are heavy drinkers, change your friends.  It will be impossible to give up drinking alcohol if you have friends who will goad you into having just one little drink or get a bit bitchy when you refuse to join in because they are afraid you will be able to conquer your demons and they still have theirs.

THINK AHEAD AND PLAN

Most habits are associated with special settings.  You wouldn’t use your toothbrush in a train but walking into your bathroom at bedtime, you automatically reach for the brush.

You might not think of a drink throughout the day because you are too busy with work but as soon as you get home, you automatically head for the refrigerator. Alcoholics often head straight for the kitchen before saying “hello” to the rest of the family.  That’s not what I call a “social drinking” pattern.  That’s a very bad habit.   It takes constant vigilance to sabotage the triggers of things you see, hear, smell, taste or feel, that could set you up for a craving or a “bust” on alcohol.

As mentioned earlier, changing friends, restaurants, playgrounds, and groups is absolutely necessary if you are to avoid setting yourself up for a bust.   You will be most susceptible to temptations of any kind when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired (as above) or bored, sad, worried, nervous, depressed or physically unwell.  You can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought!

Many alcoholics commence drinking after work and Christmas parties are often held mid-afternoon. Can you guarantee your behavior and stay sober before dark?

Alcoholics think about the drink, taste it, smell it and listen to the sound of pouring into a glass, even before the party starts.  Anyone or anything that disturbs their “reward” drinking is quickly dealt with.  Kids are screamed at if they interrupt the alcoholic’s “drinking time.”  How sad?

What supplements should I take before going to a party?

Magnesium – the great relaxer may assist in the reduction of stress, nervous tension, anxiety and sleeplessness. Take Magnesium before venturing out to socialize, especially Christmas parties.

I can highly recommend Tyrosine Mood Food supplement for your Dopamine Neurotransmitter.  Take a teaspoon in water or juice half an hour before leaving home.  Dopamine is one of the principal neurotransmitters involved in substance dependence. Alcohol is a major substance abuse chemical that increases dopamine levels.  The excess dopamine that is produced gives rise to powerful feelings of pleasure. However, excess dopamine levels, with alcohol abuse, also take a long-term toll on brain chemistry and promote substance dependence. It is proactive and good planning to take the amino acid supplement, Tyrosine, before venturing out to parties where alcohol is served.

You also need a good dose of common sense and don’t pick up the first drink.  Remember, it’s not the 6th or the 7th drink that causes the compulsion – it’s the first drink.

Keep LivaTone Plus capsules handy to rejuvenate your liver after a heavy drinking session. Hopefully, you won’t be needing them but your liver will be eternally grateful even if you don’t drink too much this Christmas.  LivaTone Plus supports liver function and metabolism and contains the full range of B vitamins essential for a fatty liver.

The above statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease.