Domestic violence is perceived as physical violence and often emotional abuse is overlooked because the victim does not display evidence of bruising. Emotional abuse is hard to discuss with the perpetrator because he or she has not physically touched their partner and doesn’t believe they are in the wrong. It’s always someone else’s fault according to the perpetrator. “She knows how to push my buttons.” Trouble is, the alcohol fuelled perpetrator has no idea that he is the problem and refuses to accept responsibility for his bad mood. If in the past,  you were seriously injured (broken bones, bruises, cuts) and had to seek medical aid at your doctor’s surgery or the emergency room or if you had to call the police because of your partner’s violence, you had a case for domestic violence. If you are the target of verbal abuse after your partner consumes a few drinks and you find yourself choosing your words very carefully so as not to upset him, you are in a dysfunctional relationship. If he tries to bait you into an argument after he consumes 4 or 5 glasses of alcohol, the best thing to do is walk away. Don’t take the bait. That’s what he wants you to do and his frustration increases with each glass of wine he pours himself. He paces back and forth pouring drink after drink, staring at you and waiting, like an animal stalking its prey, for you to bite back. How many women live like this? How many women silently witness their partner’s decline into the dark realms of their mind looking for an excuse to lash out and justify their existence as the person who is No.1 in this relationship? It’s all about control. It’s also about low self-esteem and low self-worth on behalf of the perpetrator. They get through life on ego and confidence but their self-esteem/self-worth is non-existent. The 7th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous states: The chief activator of our defects has been self-centred fear – primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plan to anyone”. Men who fear their lead role in a relationship is challenged will react with verbal abuse. Some men prefer to use their fists to get their message across while others use emotional blackmail to put the problem back on their partner. “It’s her fault – she knows how to push my buttons!" All it takes is one drink to tip the alcohol dependent person over the edge. One wrong word from an unsuspecting partner can trigger off a barrage of verbal abuse, justifying their reason to pour another drink and start pacing the floor again, looking for the next reason to pour another drink and another drink until they end up in the shower talking to themselves as they try to wash away perceived dirt on their hands (or it could be blood.) Aggressive emotional outbursts by a drunken partner may be a sign that the person is under extreme stress. How you react to your partner’s behaviour can help keep the situation from escalating out of control. Sometimes it is best just to back off and give your partner some space. He may begin to think rationally again after an opportunity to calm down. I know this sounds difficult to implement during a pre-round of baiting you to draw you into their argumentative world but it is best to walk away – if you can. Many times you can defuse the anger by remaining calm and reasonable yourself. Speak in a low, soft tone. Keeping things in perspective offers both of you the chance to redirect your interaction. Giving your partner another excuse to pour another drink is asking for trouble. Biting back in answer to his sarcastic remarks will only exacerbate his drinking and it could turn into physical abuse. Often a person uses aggression as a way to vent. Give your partner a chance to talk out his feelings and he may calm down once he realises that you are willing to listen. Unfortunately, once he takes the drink, the drink takes the drunk and the carousel keeps turning. Once alcohol is ingested, it’s time to take evasive action if you know your partner’s personality. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. While some people don’t overly display aggressive hostility, they make their anger known in other ways. An individual may use nonverbal cues such as glaring, staring or rolling the eyes. A passive-aggressive person may use his voice or sarcasm to get his message across. In this kind of situation, it might be best to ignore his behaviour and not take the bait. You know deep inside your heart, if you are caught in a dysfunctional relationship and your partner has taken you as a hostage. You are made to feel responsible for his irrational behaviour and he will keep up the sarcasm until you bend to his way of thinking. When you bite back, you open the way for more sarcasm. Remain calm and don’t let your partner know that his behaviour is unsettling to you. You can think more clearly by keeping your composure. Overacting may only trigger your own anger, sending the negative message that your partner is looking for. Get help for yourself. Domestic violence is rampant and emotional abuse is just the start. Physical violence is just around the corner when his fists do the talking so walk away while you can. Seek help from your local doctor or women’s refuge center. In the meantime, I recommend amino acids to help balance brain chemistry and a good liver tonic to help repair liver damage. Specific amino acids are essential for the liver to breakdown toxins and drugs and also for efficient metabolism in the liver. L-Glutamine. This amino acid is required for phase two detoxification in the liver and is required in increased amounts by those who consume excessive alcohol. It is able to reduce the craving for alcohol. l-Glutamine supplementation is helpful for intestinal disorders such as peptic ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Leaky gut is the term used to describe an inflamed condition of the lining of the bowel, which makes the bowel too permeable, so that toxins and incompletely digested food particles can be absorbed from the bowels directly into the liver. This increases the workload of the liver and may cause many health problems. Glutamine is converted in the body into glutamic acid, which, along with the amino acids N-Acetyl-Cysteine and glycine, is converted into the powerful liver protector glutathione. Glutathione is essential for liver phase two conjugation reactions used during detoxification of drugs and toxic chemicals. Livatone is a natural liver tonic containing the liver herbs St Mary’s Thistle, Globe Artichoke and Dandelion, combined with the amino acid Taurine, and Lecithin. It also contains natural sources of Chlorophyll, Carotenoids and fiber. The liver is the main fat burning organ in the body and regulates fat and carbohydrate metabolism. A healthy liver will take fat in the form of cholesterol and pump it via the bile into the intestines where it will be carried away in the bowel actions provided the diet is high in fiber. Tyrosine Mood Food - Tyrosine is a natural amino acid - one of the building blocks of protein. It is required for the manufacture of the brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) dopamine and noradrenaline. These neurotransmitters are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy, stable mood. Magnesium – the great relaxant. Magnesium plays an essential role in maintaining and promoting efficient muscle function and nerve transmission. Magnesium is a vital mineral for hundreds of cellular enzymes involved in the body's energy production and metabolism. It is required by the nervous system to regulate the function of nerves and muscles. Magnesium may also assist in the reduction of stress, nervous tension, anxiety and sleeplessness.   The above statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease.