If alcohol seems like a lot to handle, imagine growing up with addicted parents? The alcoholic family is one of chaos, inconsistency, unclear roles and illogical thinking.

Arguments are pervasive, and violence or even incest may play a role. Children in alcoholic families suffer trauma as acute as soldiers in combat; they also carry the trauma like an albatross around their neck throughout their lives.

One of my patients was recently diagnosed with complex post traumatic disorder; a legacy of her childhood growing up in a violent alcoholic environment. She is now 72 years old and has suffered all her life with this emotional weight on her shoulders. Not only is the experience devastating, it’s common.

Children growing up in an alcoholic environment are more at risk for alcoholism and other drug abuse than are children of non-alcoholics, and more at risk of marrying an alcoholic. Growing up, they see and hear a lot and when they themselves, choose a life partner, more often than not, it is someone similar to what they are used to. If their partner is passive and too quiet, they get bored and go looking for the adrenalin rush of finding a partner with a substance abuse problem. “I can fix you” is their mantra.

Overcoming the legacy of a parent’s alcoholism may be difficult in part because there is a long history of denial. The family is dominated by the presence and denial of alcoholism, which becomes a major family secret. The secret becomes a government principle required to hold the family together, the scaffolding for coping strategies and shared beliefs, without which the family might fall apart.

A leading expert on adult children of alcoholics states these children grow up with three dangerous rules: don’t trust, don’t feel and don’t talk. Since alcoholic parents are so self-absorbed, they forget birthdays and other important events, leaving their children with the sense that they can have faith in no one. Since the parents inflict so much pain on their families, they teach their children to suppress their emotions just to survive.

Indeed, alcoholic parents are prone to angry or violent outbursts that (along with the drinking itself) they end up denying, and children in such a dysfunctional home may buy the delusion, themselves. Since the children are inculcated to deny the reality around them, they develop a resistance to talking about urgent important or meaningful aspects of life.

Adult children of alcoholics have a predisposition to depression, anxiety and compulsions, all related to the gruelling experience of growing up in such a home. Dealing with the legacy of disturbance means treating the traumatic stress. First and foremost, adult children of alcoholics “have issues with control”.

That means they are afraid of others and have problems with intimacy; they harbor anxiety that if they lose control, they may become addicts/alcoholics themselves. The most important emotional growth for such a survivor: Separating the past from the present. They must learn to realize that when they overeact to something now, “they are really feeling pain from the past.” Once they have that skill, they can start to move on. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Counselling for adult children of alcoholics is imperative if they are to break down the wall and cut the umbilical cord. When family distortion is the problem, groups are ideal for bringing out deep seated frozen rage, held on tightly by the child of the alcoholic. Adult children of alcoholics can seek support from groups that have been set up to directly deal with all the issues surrounding adult children of alcoholics.

Organisations like Co-Dependency Anonymous which offers a 12-step program.  Alanon is another organisation run by people who have lived with or are still living with a practicing alcoholic and can introduce you to like-minded people and support you through difficult times.

There are many characteristics of adult children of alcoholics:

  • Can only guess what normal behavior is
  • Have difficulty following project from beginning to end
  • Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
  • Self-critical to extreme
  • Have difficulty having fun and letting go of their inhibitions without the aid of alcohol or drugs
  • Take themselves too seriously and are extremely hard on themselves - they “must” be perfect in the eyes of the world
  • Have difficulty with intimate relationships
  • Overreact to changes over which they have no control
  • Constantly seek approval and affirmation
  • Usually feel that they are different from other people – inferiority versus superiority
  • They are either super responsible or super irresponsible with the latter being their constant companion
  • Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
  • Are extremely impulsive. They tend to lock themselves in a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

We hope this information guides to the person or organization that can help you now – not later when you have lost all hope of leading a normal life.

 

When you bring the alcoholic home, after treatment, you will need to prepare the homecoming with a few more interventions.

Tyrosine Mood Food   is necessary for the manufacture of dopamine and noradrenaline, which are required for concentration, alertness, memory and a happy, stable mood. Tyrosine is required for the manufacture of adrenalin in the adrenal glands and most alcoholics suffer with adrenal exhaustion.

The state of their liver has a big impact on the alcoholic’s state of mind and they may be feeling worse after a few weeks abstinence.  They may be irritable and moody with a poor memory and difficulty keeping up with life’s demands. Depression and poor sleep may be associated with a fatty liver and these things resolve when we improve the liver function.  Livatone Plus, is recommended as a powerful formula that can support liver function when there are more serious liver problems due to alcoholism.

L-Glutamine is an amino acid and has been shown to improve brain function in alcoholics, resulting in improved sleep, decreased anxiety and a reduced craving for alcohol.

Vegetable juice has been successfully used to clear out fatty livers too. Juicing, along with the above supplements, B-vitamins and Vitamin C, may be a real long-term help with cirrhosis of the liver. Dr. Cabot has a great juice book that’s easy to follow and has recipes to help rejuvenate the liver, "Raw Juices Can Save Your Life".

Magnesium Ultra Potent can be taken before bed to assist with a deep and restful sleep. It also helps to reduce stress, very beneficial to a recovering alcoholic.  Magnesium is also known as the “great relaxer”.

Dr. Cabot’s book, "Help for Depression and Anxiety", is an excellent read for recovering alcoholics.

The above statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease.