“If only I could find peace and serenity….”
Every alcoholic perhaps more so than the average individual has spent much time and energy in a futile attempt to find that elusive, transitory thing called serenity and peace of mind. This is a time of the year when many alcoholics contemplate suicide. Why? Because they feel like they are a failure and endure overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and uselessness.
I counselled one such man who gave me a dramatic and realistic insight into the most misunderstood mind of the alcoholic. On the verge of suicide, but still relentlessly searching for an exit from his mental prison, he wrote, “I feel that no matter how degraded an alcoholic may be, there abides, somewhere deep within him, a deathless urge to reach out beyond the sordidness, deceit, ignorance and sham of this world to grasp that elusive something which spells kinship with another alcoholic.”
It is a strange and miserable world in which the alcoholic lives, made so much more strange and miserable by the fact that he lives in two hemispheres – normal and abnormal. There is no real understanding on the part of the normal for the abnormal.
Of all humans afflicted, physically and mentally, the lot of the sensitive alcoholic is hardest. And, just as the lot of the man struck blind is more agonizing because he could once see, so is the alcoholic’s lot the more difficult because he was once free.
Freedom from the bondage of alcohol is every alcoholic’s dream. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, powerful and very patient. It waits for the right moment to torment the newly sober alcoholic’s mind with the promise of freedom, from the difficulties of living a sober life.
The biggest problem the alcoholic faces is the way he responds to his problems. It’s how he has responded to conflict, stress and major life events that’s the source of most of his problems. His problems became really problematic because of the destructive coping mechanisms he used to feel better. He desperately sought immediate relief for his intense emotions and acted out to numb his unbearable feelings of despair.
Alcohol provides a temporary relief and a boatload of new problems.
No matter what therapy we use, the only way out of our pain and suffering is to refuse to allow ourselves to respond to life in the same self-defeating ways. We've got to change the way we respond.
We cannot continue to live, eat and breathe with our overwhelming emotions. We must turn our irrational mind around and start to think things through with rational thinking. Stinking thinking leads to drinking. Feelings are not always facts. Between a feeling and a fact there is always a thought.
Millions of people around the world have changed their lives in ways that they want. They enjoy life more by doing so and they survive better as human beings. Generally the following points are necessary:
- A desire to change
- The belief that it is possible to change
- Usually some interaction with others, perhaps a professional in the field of alcohol counselling or by joining Alcoholics Anonymous, to help you understand the complexities of brain chemistry and dual disorders. Alcohol is a symptom of an underlying problem.
- A plan for change together with steps which can be taken to achieve it.
- Effective monitoring of change which occurs usually in increments with rewards for successful progress.
- Living one day at a time and not letting the past or the future interfere with your daily progress.
Common Irrational Ideas
I would like to mention a number of common irrational ideas that alcoholics frequently have which lead to negative feelings and emotions.- It is absolutely necessary to be loved and approved by all the important people in my life if I want to consider myself as worthwhile.
- It is unbearable when people and things are not the way I think they should be.
- My unhappiness is caused by external circumstances.
- I must always prove to others that I am a thoroughly confident person.
- Unless I constantly worry about a problem it will only get worse.
- It is easier to avoid certain life difficulties and responsibilities than it is to face them.
- It is reasonable to be dependent upon others who are stronger than I am.
- I should condemn everyone who acts unreasonably and unfairly to me and blame him or her for my stress.
- I should become quite upset over other people’s problems and do all I can to alleviate their worry.
- When people act unfairly or badly, they should be severely punished.
- Anger
- Fear
- Resentment
- Self-Pity
- Guilt
- Hopelessness
- Lost motivation
- Self-loathing
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